Riding Life

Rushing so fast
I cannot stop
The wind in my hair.
Can I get off
This ride that at once
Exhilarates me
And frightens me?

The test is to come
As I stare down
The slope.
Will the brakes give out
Or will they cope
With the speed
Building, carrying me?

Onward I go
To fly around the corner.
I do not know
What awaits me.
Perhaps I'll crash?
Or maybe not?
Let's find out shall we?

Thank you for the Tissues...

I felt compelled to write to the manufacturer of Quilton Tissues today. I sneezed and the tissues remained surprisingly intact. It made me so happy that I just had to write.

Click on the email to see it clearly.

A short letter to my mother

Dear Mum,

Enclosed are two pairs of socks and another lipstick for you. I decided to go shopping for sheets and ended up with socks as well. Several pairs in fact. And so I decided to buy you a couple of pairs so that you won't steal mine like the bunny on this card [who is stealing vegetables from a garden in the dead of night]. Which is why you have this card and not the one with the giant rabbit chasing a rather horrified looking man and girl over a hill...

Also, this isn't a birthday present. I know that I've been rather erratic with gifts to my family over the last few years, so maybe these socks will go some way to making up for it. Oh, and the snag was my fault. You can trust that I would not have actually purchased defective socks, however upon removing the socks from the store bag I have accidentally snagged a sock on a crusty bit of chewed skin from my rather unfortunate habit of needing to put my fingers in my mouth. But don't worry, you may rest assured they are quite clean.

Anyway, I do hope you enjoy the deliciously smooth spandex feel of these slightly expensive socks.

With love from the slightly fruity one
xxx

Shit yourself quick! It's a CRISIS!!!

Have you happened to notice how everything these days is a Crisis? Years ago, we had the Cuban Missile Crisis, which, if you recall anything historic at all, was a wonderful springboard for political denunciations and witch-hunting that came a little sooner than Orwell predicted. I think some sub-editor was just doing his job of course, but the word itself became altogether very useful to the political machinations of the time. But now we have grown up, moved on and learned from the past. Nothing like a little Crisis to inject some fear into an already fearful populace. The more afraid you are, the easier you are to control. Of course there are very real issues we are facing, but I'm not going to get in depth on those this time.

So first the US had the Sub-Prime Mortgage Crisis, which led us to the Global Economic Crisis or World Financial Crisis (depending on which media outlet you are reading). Of course the Middle East Crisis never seems to go away, but it did get re-tagged again as a Crisis. They might have meant Iraq, or perhaps Palestine/Israel, or even Afghanistan as they all seem to be countries in Crisis. However, it's better that you don't really know what they're talking about, so long as you are sure the World is in Crisis and keep panicking, everything will be alright. That wasn't enough, though, and we were soon coming face to face with a Welfare Crisis, which was caused by the Jobs Crisis, which was a lead-on from the Global Economic/World Financial Crisis, of course.

But wait! There's more! Those were just the main Crises our popular media parrots on about!!

Now we have a state health system in Crisis following revelations that the State Government owes $117.5 million to hospital and other medical facility suppliers leading yet more people to face their own personal crises.

Let's not also forget our fellow men overseas whilst they suffer still in what has turned from a simple humanitarian Crisis of a few thousand dead from cholera (a very avoidable disease, but what's a few thousand Zimbabweans compared to a few thousand Americans right?) into what is now being touted as a full-scale political and economic Crisis.

Sri-Lanka is also facing Crisis according to the Red Cross but of course the powers that be are denying that is the case. Perhaps that's because they prefer using different words like disaster, catastrophe or emergency? Or is Crisis too harsh a word? Would they rather we just call it a pickle, or a spot of bother?

Frankly, although this is most definitely a period of significant upheavel for just about everyone around the world, the trumpeting of the world being in Crisis is, to my mind, duplicitous. Yes, things are bad for many people and I could argue all day as to how blatantly unfair it is for so many people who are suffering due to the reams of mis-management that we call governments across the world. This is nothing new, so like I said, I won't say too much about it right now.

But what I see is a period of change and an opportunity for us all. Of course personally it is an opportunity to re-evaluate my money (mis)management skills so I can protect myself somewhat in the future. It is also an opportunity for everyone to re-evaluate their priorities and what we as a society put our faith in. For far too long, we, the middle classes in particular, have coasted along thinking that we didn't really need to worry about what was happening in the world because we're ok. You might have known that things weren't quite right for a lot of people, but you couldn't see it so it was easy to ignore.

The only good thing to say about this current infatuation with the word 'Crisis,' is that it is making people realise they need to change how they see the world and their place in it. We're all in this together!

One thing that is not good about calling everything a Crisis is that the panic it induces also induces a state of catalepsy in the population, making us all easier to control. Don't mistake me for a conspiracy theorist here. It is simply a fact and if you don't believe me, tell me so and I will get the proof for you and put it in another blog. If you are afraid, you will do what you are told. And that's just what is wanted. We can't have people thinking for themselves, oh no, that would cause us to realise that the way we have been doing things since the rise of capitalism is not working. There are alternative models of government and as I have said before, those governments that are protecting their people during such times are beacons of hope, which we just cannot have, of course.

I don't say that the media should stop using the words they wish to to create their often amusing headlines. These 'Crisis' headlines I am finding particulary amusing myself. Just be aware of it and that will be enough. Perhaps in time you can laugh at it too!

What do you think? Have you come across anymore Crises?

An update and a small dissertation

Firstly, I must apologise most humbly as it has been quite some time since I posted. There are various reasons for this and the most outstanding one was that I got a bit carried away with myself. Although no one would have known it, there are certain things I keep rather close to my chest. Also, it became time to wrap things up in Singapore. I wasn't altogether happy about leaving Singapore, but I was also looking forward to getting going with life again - actually doing things instead of remaining stagnant and still. There was Christmas to consider and I wasn't altogether happy about not being able to spend it with my family.

That said, the last few weeks in Singapore were joyful and the Christmas lead-up and celebration was a great deal more fun than I had expected. One of the dinner guests unintentionally provided most of us with a great deal of entertainment and laughs. I really hadn't laughed so hard in a long long time. Joe and I had also organised shipment of our worldly possessions, though I'm not sure the cost of said shipment was worth the contents. We will be able to review that when they finally become available to us again I am sure. We also spent a bit of time savouring the last few moments we would have together for at least a couple of weeks, especially considering we were to be spending the anniversary of our fateful meeting apart.

We left Singapore and Richard and Ann-Marie to enjoy their newly married status alone for a change (and I daresay they were more than pleased about it too!) and I felt sorry that there was nothing I could possibly say or do that would repay their kindness. My determination was to show my gratitude by bouncing very high from the springboard they offered us. I also caught up with an old friend and a new one, the kindness of the latter overwhelming me to the point of tears. I am wont to blame recovery from too much alcohol, but I'm not sure that's all it was. The last few weeks I had been feeling very over-sensitive to just about everything good and as a result rather prone to a bit of a sniffle anyway. But such sensitivites had never left me in overload like that before. It made me wonder whether such outpourings of emotion were something just in me, a part of getting older and being able to relate to many more tearful experiences or something more. At any rate, I have put it down to something that is a natural expression of how I simply am right now and certainly have not worried about it.

One other joy that I had in the last days of my time in Singapore was that Becky, long time family friend, happened to be in the same place at the same time so we were able to catch up and have a really great chat. It reminded me how much I had missed my SGI friends - people you can talk to not only about the banal, but also about deeper things that relate to the core aspects of life. Although Becky does not call herself Buddhist, she definitely understands and can relate things from a Buddhist perspective since she has always been around Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo. And by the way, this is not an exclusionary statement as I have many dear friends who are not Buddhists and who have often provided insight where I have been lacking.

So we left and enjoyed all the little niceties of Changi Airport - the free internet, the power points and the icy cold water - and settled in for a long-ish plane ride. It was actually rather good even though I did only get a couple of hours sleep. By the time we made it to Sydney I was fairly alert. Alert enough to sort out some Duty Free for that night (NYE) and some SIM cards so we could keep in touch. Poor Joe ended up in transit for hours before flying on to Auckland, so he proceeded to get as drunk as possible on "cheap" wine before boarding and, I later heard, being told off for talking to other passengers during the safety demonstration. I keep telling him he has a very loud voice, but has not learnt to moderate it when appropriate!

I arrived with Chel and Aaron at their home in Frenchs Forest and was delighted to see Yoda again. I chose to sleep in the old cats' room with both Yoda and Bloosh and it was so nice to have Yoda sleeping next to me again. Once I moved to the city, Chel called to tell me Yoda had been looking for me since I'd gone. So my goal is to find a place to live where I can have him. It is clear that he still knows I'm his mum, though I know Chel and Aaron will miss him greatly as they have, particularly Aaron, developed a great fondness for him. Chel and Aaron both spoiled me rotten while I was there and we three enjoyed NYE, though Chel and I did miss the fireworks on the TV!! We were too busy drinking and talking! It was so relaxing there I would so loved to have stayed with them, but my financial situation meant that being in the city would be easier as I could walk to interviews instead of paying to catch the bus.

As I write, I am staying with Megan. I have my own little space in the loungeroom and I don't mind it at all. The day after I 'moved in' I organised to go to a meeting, catch up with friends and attend a couple of appointments with recruiters. Not a terribly busy day, but certainly a lot busier than I had been used to! The first recruiter turned up some really good possibilities and I am pretty sure that if I get back into the insurance market, claims is definitely the direction I want to go. I do love helping people and although there are elements of that in underwriting, the satisfaction just isn't there (even if it does reside in the wallet). In order to get back to a similar position I was in before I left, it is clear I must take the Life route. Fine by me!

Anyway, I trotted off to Julia Ross, as recommended by Megan's other lodger, Kate. I did all my testing and went home to have a chat to mum. About an hour or so later, I got a call from Julia Ross telling me they had a temp position for me and could I start the next day? Now it is a significant drop from what I used to earn, but it is still money in the bank and it is fairly well immediate. Not something I had expected at all. It gives me breathing space until everything else is sorted out. I am also going to apply for Australian Citizenship. Yes folks, the perpetual kiwi is going to become an Aussie and start voting. And just in case you were ever in any doubt, I will probably vote Green. But that's open to fierce debate and I am yet to conduct my research on that matter.

Now for the dissertation: It's only a short rant, but I need to make it abundantly clear how I view the whole Palestine/Israel thing. Please keep in mind these are my views and are subject to change without warning or apparent logic, but you can rest assured that I continue to read and review in order to ensure I have a broad scope from which to draw my conclusions without neglecting the elemental problem that keeps being forgotten: People are suffering. It might be all well and good to look at the pure politics of such a complicated situation, but the fact of the matter is, the Palestinians are suffering every single day. They suffer during apparent cease-fires and they suffer during times like now when they are bombarded with sophisticated weaponry destroying the ruins in which they live, but the inescapable fact is they are still suffering. What I find particularly irritating is that for all the Israeli bullshit that is being propagated in our media, not to mention the outright lies - and trust me, there are lies. It would be foolhardy to think that everything we are told is the truth - there is very little balance.

Where is the Palestinian voice? "Hamas is the Palestinian voice," I hear you say, but they are a political group too. Like listening to the former Iraqi Minister for Information rather than the actual people. It is important to keep in mind that Israel has made it so dangerous for people to get into Gaza (or the West Bank) to be able to actually hear these voices, that it is very difficult for us on the outside to form solid opinions about the actual state of affairs. This is not an accident. It is not new and it is not a consipracy. It is how things are done for the benefit of Israel or any other country acting aggressively. Just look at how little we hear from Iraq or Afghanistan (not forgetting the scores of other countries that have and still do suffer aggression). But just because it is difficult and dangerous doesn't mean those voices are impossible to hear. Far from it. In fact, there are even voices we should hear from inside Israel itself.

So, in a nutshell, I am really very angry at the atrocities being committed by Israel. Did you know they have also started lobbing missiles at Lebanon? Nice to see that is front page news. But what makes me angrier is the complacency with which we rely upon our media. What you are force fed is never the entire story. Of course it is difficult to get the other side, and the more I read, the more I realise there are seldom only two sides. We get one. We have to find the others. Naturally, we are all too busy and the age-old question of "What can I do about it anyway?" rears its head. All I can say is be cynical, question what you read, don't just accept everything you see as fact and don't for one moment feel that you are powerless.

Now I can't just go to Israel and say "I think you should stop bombing the Palestinians" and expect them to do so. What I can do is make sure I am treating everyone I come into contact with with respect and value their individual dignity. I can make sure I am aware of the fact that there are always other things going on behind what we immediately see. And you can too.

Bring on the Dissent...it's Question Time

Right, so I promised that I would find something about the "World Economic Crisis" and I did. I found it here. It is a long article, and it is an understandably angry one, but when you read it you will see that it is also reasonable. There will be more I can promise you that. For my friends, you already know my views on these things, but perhaps you don't know just how strong they have become. I wasn't always so anti-establishment.



One thing that seems to be forgotten whenever there is this Crisis or that Crisis or that War or this One is that there are people who are suffering. Of course we, as relatively well-off, generally middle-class people, are still quite comfortable and can't quite see how this affects us. Give it time and you might just see the effects of it all first-hand. I sincerely hope that you don't. It might be one thing to imagine that the plight of the villagers in India due to the Narmada Valley projects, for example, is a world away from yours, but the truth is that their suffering is a reflection of the potential for the depths that any of us could plunge into, whether it’s our choice or not (and it seldom is).



Now, I think the reasons a lot of people ignore the enormity of the sufferings of our fellow man, is two-fold: firstly, we are conditioned to believe that people who are not like us are not as “human” as we are. Renowned British Historian, Mark Curtis calls them ‘unpeople’ though the term is not just used these days to refer to those who have suffered under British imperialism. The second reason is that there is just so much of it. It is easy to feel overwhelmed, as I once did (though I’m sure the excessive consumption of black sambucca shots on top of a good deal of red wine probably had something else to do with it). Now I do get angry, but rather than feel hopeless about it, I feel it is enough to be aware of them. And I will do my little bit by sharing what I find out. It’s something that does take up a bit of time and energy and while I’m not gainfully employed, I will be using some of my time to do this. Of course I’m sure some of you are wondering what on earth has gotten in to me, but the rest of you will have known I’m like this anyway. I need to know what is really happening and I question everything. Barack Obama is terrifically popular, which makes me question what is going on in the background to make it so. If he was terrifically unpopular like Hugo Chavez, I probably wouldn’t waste my time wondering because it would be pretty clear that someone is unpopular because they are actually doing some good in the world and are upsetting some people with money somewhere. Test my theory on that one – I welcome anything that can put a dent in it.



So, what can we do? Well, it’s pretty simple. If you, like me, have a tendency to get angry about injustice and get, sometimes perhaps, overly passionate about things, you probably get a little frustrated that you are just not in a position to do anything. This should lead you on to bigger questions and of course, the biggest one of all: What are we here for anyway? The answer to that question is one that is very difficult to understand because even I, the genius you all know and love (ok, ok, that was taking it a little too far...my Machiavellian nature is taking over here), has trouble getting it. Are we not all here to be happy and to do what we can to ensure the happiness of those around us also? It is, in fact, the most significant undertaking that any human being can make in their whole lives, ever. Don’t take my word for it though. Go for the questions because that’s what it’s all about.



Right, so we establish that our task here on earth is to work for the happiness of others and ourselves. What can we do about the dispossessed, the starving, the poor, the needy, the jobless (not me, I’m not in such strife that I have been robbed of my choices), the mentally ill, the economically crippled? Unfortunately, not so much directly. Some of us may work for aid organisations, NGOs and other charities that do amazing work to help those people, and that is wonderful. But for most of us the best we do is donate a little money here and there. There is nothing wrong with that and I certainly don’t advocate going out and giving your life savings away. I wouldn’t say that you shouldn’t either; it’s a personal choice. The problem arises when we may have money worries of our own, stresses of our own that make our own lives difficult. It is a curiously Western affliction that we lament “What can I do?”



But the thing is, we can actually do a lot. Every day. Do you ever think how you treat the people that you live with? Do you apologise if you accidentally bump into someone as you rush to work? Do you stop to talk to the receptionist that everyone else ignores? Do you thank the bus-driver as you get off? Do you smile at the check-out chick who has forgotten to smile and sympathise with the fact that she probably earns a mere fraction of what you do, or is perhaps grumpy because her dog just died? This is where it starts. We have all heard about the six-degrees of separation. How difficult do you think it is to influence your direct environment? The truth is, it’s easy. You live in it every day. When your mood is bouncy, you will smile at the girl behind the register. You will thank the driver who may not speak to anyone who catches his route.



But when your mood is low, this does become difficult, even to the point of feeling impossible. How on earth can we manifest that energy all the time? The truth is, that isn’t easy. I’m struggling with it myself at the moment. I may write up a storm, but that’s because I have the time to think about what I’m saying. Put me in a situation where I’m surrounded by people, or perhaps only a couple and I can be terribly quiet. But it’s not impossible for me, despite my laziness, and it’s not impossible for anyone else either. Of course I refer to my Buddhist practice, because that is what I do and I know that it works. While I am not going to tell you all that you should become Buddhists too, I am going to tell you that you are free to question what I have said, turn it over in your own minds and see what you think. The only reason I have written some of this is because while I get passionate about what is happening in the world, indeed, sometimes I get angry about it, I don’t want anyone to think that I feel hopeless or that you should either. There are lots of things going on and I think it’s very important to talk about them. With that said, I will get back to what I was talking about in the beginning...



So we’ve got this Crisis thing and things are starting to look very bad for everyone and I’m sure for many people, myself may be included in that (because I might find it much harder than I anticipated to find a job), it’s already looking pretty bleak.

But I’m pretty sure we got here by a slow process. Wall Street didn’t all of a sudden turn to shit now did it? Surely those people who get paid those exorbitant salaries to basically run the world economy knew what they were doing. Didn’t they? Oh maybe. It seems a little strange that we find ourselves in this position (if anyone is actually sure what this position is) when the people who tell us what to do (and how to think) are supposed to be smart and look after us.



Which leads me to the conclusion that they’re really not that interested in looking after anyone who isn’t in that 1% of the human population who own 40% of the world’s wealth (according to a 2006 UN study, which also showed that 50% of the adult population only owned 1% of the world’s wealth). And “they” refers to governments, monolithic multinationals and other powerful institutions that can be shown to have had vested interests in making great gains out of human suffering...or perhaps it’s just the lizard people. The fact is, there is a ruling ‘elite’ and that is not a conspiracy theory or anything. It’s just how it is. We in the west have been dulled into thinking that the way things are is just how things should be, each country having its pros and cons as the case may be, but I don’t believe that’s true. We’ve just forgotten how much power we, as individuals actually have. Which is probably why we don’t hear too much about South American countries. We think they are all dictatorships, and they were, thanks to our friends in the CIA and their greedy puppets, but the truth is, the people have revolted and they are making huge progress that is based on human rights and yes, redistribution of wealth. Just be careful who you listen to about when it comes to those countries because I can guarantee that the majority of those who are not happy about what’s happening there are very wealthy or stand to gain more wealth if the poor are oppressed. And they are a minority. But sure, do your own research. I don’t ask you to just take my word for it. I’ve just had the inclination to look at it already.

And those inclinations lead me to be rather suspicious about each new ‘major’ story that comes onto the news. And this latest Crisis is just one of many. What struck me about it initially, and this really is my own opinion as I am not an economist, is that world economies and markets all seem to be, in their entirety, a construct of the human mind. So why do the ramifications of it have to be so serious? Surely it’s only as serious as we take it? Let’s take, as an example, the fact that the US government has bailed out large insurers and banking institutions in order to “save” the economy. If you read the article that I linked at the beginning you’ll see that the total amount they have “injected” is in the order of US$700 billion. So let’s take the economy in the US just as a microcosm of the world, even though that’s not a very fair way to do it, it’s apparently all US money so we’ll just take that for now. The population of the US is just over 300 million. Of that, in 2004 anyway, just over 12% were said to be living in poverty. Let’s be conservative and say that 20% are now living in poverty. That makes 60 million people in the United States of America who are living under very tough conditions. If we were to take that $700 billion (given that an American billion is a thousand million) and divide it between those 60 million people, that gives each of those people over $10,000 each (notwithstanding the fact that some of those will be in couple relationships or children that are part of a family etc etc). I mean, obviously this is a very simplistic way of looking at things and there would be many other factors to consider, but I think the ramifications of doing something like that probably achieve the same things the bailout package was supposed to anyway. It’s still a short-term fix, but that means that they are able to continue paying their mortgages for a time. Or eat. Or pay the rent. Now, instead, Citibank, as an example, is floundering because its ‘asset’ of debt owed by mortagees is disappearing because people can’t pay their mortgages. So instead of giving people the money to pay those mortgages, the bank gets the money directly so they can afford to then foreclose on people’s homes. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s as I understand it and there is precious little information in the media to help me understand. Of course, finances are supposed largely over our heads unless we are ‘in’ and that’s what is relied upon, so I am just trying to ‘get it.’ And I will.



I am actually quite hopeful about it all because I do think the time has come for great change. This crisis could perhaps signal time for some more Shock Therapy. But this time we could try using it in a good way. Of course, the only way that will ever happen is if we keep ourselves informed. The more dissent we cultivate, the more debate, the more we can shape this world to be one that is more equitable, more fair and more conducive to the happiness of everyone everywhere.



But I still don’t have a job and I’m still in Singapore. Will keep you posted of developments.

I'm at it again...

First of all, I’d just like to apologise to those of you who may have been waiting for this next post. I said it would be done on Tuesday and it wasn’t, so I’m sorry about that. I could have written about it at the time, but the truth is I’ve been a little pre-occupied...with myself. That’s not an excuse, just the reason, valid or not.

Facts of the matter are this:
• I don’t have the job in Singapore. Disappointing, yes, but I was always prepared for that outcome, much as I didn’t want it.
• I have, naturally, been a little low and I must admit that my practice has left a lot to be desired. Saturday and Sunday I did attend meetings and enjoyed them thoroughly. I could have gone back to the centre and joined in the chanting meetings, but I’ve been too bloody lazy to do so.
• I am likely going to be back in Sydney in a few weeks, but there is always the option of going to New Zealand and spending Christmas with my family, something I haven’t done in three years I think it is now. This is a problem for me because I don’t really know what I should do and both options carry inherent risks, financially speaking, and I am getting pretty tetchy about not having an income.
• I have also found myself, particularly over the last few days, become a little piqued about this “Financial Crisis.” The whole idea of it is just abhorrent to me (and likely to all of you, too) and something about it really stinks. I am going to investigate further and why I am so pre-occupied with this should come as no surprise to any of you. I have never (and likely will never) considered myself a socialist, but I must admit that my tendencies are leaning further and further “left.”

And so, during this last week I have done little else apart from grow increasingly concerned (rightly or wrongly) about the above. It must also be admitted that I am a little excited and apprehensive about returning to Sydney. I do love Sydney and it will always be my home. I am, as some of you know, missing my little boy, Yoda, dreadfully. Missing him to the point where I am pretty certain the only reason I got Roger was as a cat-replacement. I have also become obsessed with Shiba Inus. The most adorable dog I have ever come across. And the only breed I have ever seriously considered becoming an owner of once I am financially able to do so. These obsessions of mine are, of course, designed to distract me greatly from the tasks at hand, namely; get a job and get settled again. I’m afraid that Joe has taken a bit of a back seat, although that will change once we know what he is going to be doing. The idea of him being based off Phuket in Thailand is not altogether palatable, but I do believe I have stated previously that I have no intention of holding him back from doing what he really wants to do. I believe very firmly that that is far more important than how the hell we are going to be able to continue a relationship whilst he is a quarter of the globe away from me. People do it. And in far more strenuous situations than ours will be.

Either way, whatever is going to happen is just what I will have to deal with. My only problem, really, is that at this point I have to actually make decisions about things so it’s caused a bout of serious self-reflection, which does no one any good whatsoever. Particularly with me as I do have the ability to become frighteningly introverted. Not to me of course, but to everyone else. I will admit that I have been teary lately, but I am putting that down to hormones and on occasion (which are the operative words I might add) the odd hangover. Do not judge my drinking please. I am quite alright. Just being me and there really is nothing to worry about thank you very much.

So what we have is this: I am trying to figure out which way to go, but feel that I don’t have all the necessary information. I am researching furiously (whether you notice it or not) and trying very hard to figure out what exactly it is I want now. I am trying not to close off options, although there are definite things I don’t want to do and living in Thailand is one of them. I would live in India if the opportunity was there, but it’s not, and that’s just how it is. I also feel a very strong pull toward Yoda. Some of you will understand and some of you will not, but Yoda has been mine for twelve years. He has been with me through a period of tremendous upheaval, namely, my twenties, and has been there to sit on my face and sneeze on me when I needed it least, not to mention the digestive upsets. He is, simply put, my child and I need him even if he doesn’t need me. I am also very keen to spend time with my family, but of course financial considerations are fairly strong. Any option is a risk that needs to be weighed. And I’m repeating myself again so I will move on...

Which brings me to the latest pre-occupation beside myself: The World Economic Crisis. Honestly, it seems to be a load of bollocks. Not because it doesn’t have serious ramifications for many many people who can least afford to be affected by a World Economic Crisis, but because of whyit does. I won’t pretend that I am an economist or that I really know anything about the way the world works, economically speaking. What I can say with absolute conviction is that my instinct is very seldom unreliable and my instinct tells me that something is not right about any of this. I mean, people can lose their jobs simply because other people don’t want shares in the companies these people work for. How on earth does that make any sense? Am I right about that? Is that what it is in a nutshell? Why did AIG receive US$150 billion as a rescue package? Why didn’t that money go to those poor people who are losing their homes because the banks were so keen to make short-term profit? How did a company like AIG (which is rich from me considering my career is apparently insurance-based) get to be so big that its collapse could spell financial trouble all over the globe? WHY is this kind of ridiculousness acceptable? I mean seriously, doesn’t any of this strike you as crazy? Doesn’t it ring alarm bells? How did we let this happen?! I suppose many people think that Obama and Kevin being elected marks a huge change in what people are thinking and I’m sure in real terms it does, but golly gosh, do we really believe that these guys are that different to what we had? If we do our homework, which no one can be bothered doing, I’m sure we’ll realise that they are no different. I really hope I am wrong about this.

I’m finding that the problem with the World Economic Crisis, if it even is one (I’m still sceptical – perhaps I think it’s a last-ditch attempt by the powers that be to yank yet more money away from the poor so it can be stored by the rich), is that financial-speak is too dry, too boring and too jargonistic for anyone to be bothered looking into it at all. I do feel that somewhere, what is going on is a construction of the mind, designed to con us all. Into what I don’t know, but I intend to find out. Call me cynical, call me a communist, call me anything you like, but something just feels very out of kilter here. I’ve only just come to this conclusion, so more research is required. Who knows? I might discover that I was just over-reacting. It’s possible, but there’s nary a feeling I’ve had that hasn’t been proven right in the end.

So, this week that’s really what I’ve been up to. I know there are a couple of people who have kindly written me lovely long emails and I haven’t replied yet, but I will. Part of my reason for holding off was that I was hoping to have some actual news to report. But I don’t really. It will come in time. I’m not off the planet, yet, but I am feeling very very unsettled just now and that is not helping the side of myself that likes to wander in the clouds and delve in the streams and mud of possibilities. My infatuation with animals has reached danger point this week and this next week is being spent re-focussing and concentrating on my practice. I am not chanting, I’m not really moving in the directions I want to. And Joe’s farting is just too much. Seriously people, you should feel sorry for me. Poor Roger is doubling as a face-mask all too frequently.